“I’m Back” Results

I fell asleep and forget about the every three hours thing. But I got the 40 decisions STAT and have been pursuing Jordan for his funnel systems. I also spoke to a Mary Kay girl about designing funnels, and I started working for Dan again.

I missed my yoga class. Sadness.

I’m Back!!!

So, right now I sit at the Hyatt on my third and last night of a luxurious stay. My body sinks with a tired feeling. I don’t like the idea of sleep, but I don’t like the idea of staying awake. The consequences of all my actions run high, and I’m afraid to take accountability.

My story, in short: I left my parents place. I left Qdoba (though I’m still technically employed). I left my friend, Paul, because I couldn’t trust him and he’s getting into some weird shit. I left my shell of a sexuality (i.e. I have homosexual tendencies). I left a lot of things.

My direction, in short: I need to arrive at my own place. I need to arrive at my own business and be firmly detached from Qdoba. I need friends I can trust. I need my expanded sexuality in the open. I need a lot of things.

But I’m afraid. Thus, the reason I return to this blog. My tired, sagging, heavy feeling must be trumped by a firm commitment to this blog. I reread my early posts, before all the horrible things happened, and I had an energy in my face, a huge smile, and a desire to share the silly things that happened.

I loved myself when I was doing these tasks. I had a firm conviction that anything and everything was possible. That I could do what I wanted to do, and would have only great things happen to me.

The negative consequences, in the end were so little. I had so much fun doing this. I experienced so much growth. I got over so many B.S. hurdles from not ‘feeling like it’.

So what if someone reading this calls me a pervert? So what if I got fired from a job for behaving pervertedly? So what if I ruined my relationship with the guy who recommended me there? So what if I got kicked out of a store for scaring a customer off when I was ‘running pick-up? So what if I went to jail for yelling in the middle of the night when my sister-in-law had to work? So what if Joe Snell would use the words ‘blood’, ‘nigger’, and ‘AIDS’ 73 times in a row, scaring me into an unfair 2-year-long racism that wouldn’t be cured until this year? So what if the attitudes from this–after I stopped writing–landed me in a mental hospital with a diagnosis of ‘bipolar disorder’?

Because I would later learn these things:

  • My pervertedness came from repressed homosexuality.
  • My getting fired came from lack of gratitude (I can back this statement up if anyone wishes to challenge me on this.)
  • The jail came from an attitude that made unnecessary violence an option.
  • The racism came from not knowing the question, ‘What do I -ing want to create here”–plus not having the communication strategy to give him a sense of peace and positive direction.
  • The impetus that drove me to the hospital was non-forgiveness and an unfilled need for love.

I would also gain these things:

  • Raw, self-image-backed pick-up that works–without conscious effort
  • Respect and professionalism at my current jobs/awareness of how businesses work
  • Consideration of others–create more value in a way that supports others
  • Appreciation of black culture–my innocence of racism came from ignorance; if I can be innocent of racism now, after that experience, I can guide a lot more people out of what Martin Luther King Jr. calls a ‘disease’.
  • Skill with krav maga–which I desired to take only after my experience with Joe Snell in jail.
  • A way to fill myself with love that doesn’t rely on others–i.e. the Bible, God, Jesus, myself.

You don’t know much about the mental hospital incident. I should have written about it here–now my memory’s not as fresh as I want it to be.

I’ll see if I can give you a bright recollection of:

  • Fighting off Linda feeling my chest at 3am in the morning–or my roommate laughing on the other bed saying how he saw me fighting her off in my sleepy stupor.
  • Or of Josh coming into the room laughing, gossipping with me about how she took her shirt off, sprinting down the hall.
  • Or of Josh, my roommate, who claimed to be Jesus Christ, and how he inspired me to read the Bible.
  • Or of the girl who studied actively to become a defense attorney, but became droopey after lithium and couldn’t stay awake to study.
  • Or of the old man who shit himself in the hallway after taking lithium or whatever, then slipped and fell in it. (YOU WANTED ME TO TAKE LITHIUM, DOC. FUCK YOU.)

Anyway, I’ll create a chapter for that at somepoint. It’s worth writing about.

Now allow me to further deviate into my experience with Joe Snell–i.e. when I went to jail from a fight with my brother.

I still remember when I transferred from the group cell to a solitary cell. I looked at him through the bars–the slam still echoing the ceramic multi-room from the red-haired lady cop closing it–keys rattling as she looked it up. He lied on his back, on a blue mat like the other 3 jailees, with his head looking back at me. The friendly guy close to the bars next to me and to the right of the cell (when  you look in from the outside) had warned me not to switch cells–they ‘wouldn’t let you take your blanket’.

I stood outside with my blanket, the cortisol and adrenaline thick in my blood from when I was in that cell. It’s now ‘draining’ as I stood in safety. I had stood with my body as upright as it could be, in a position of alpha-ness and dominance with my face glued to the bars for an 3 hours straight. I craved help from an officer to switch cells.

Now that the red-haired officer opened the doors and released me based on my request for my own sell, I felt a sense of safety flood my body. Being outside of that cell, such relief I felt. But, I looked through the bars, at those “Who’s messing with me!” interjecting, energy-forward eyes. I told him, with a sob and choke in my voice, “You’re still a good person.” I had tears in my eyes as the red-haired cop escorted me from the cell through the hall to outside. From there, she asked me which guy ruffled my feathers so much. I told her ‘Joe Snell’. She said, ‘Alright, I’ll talk to him later.’

Oh man. What was cool was that I met a guy in jail who I picked up from the side of the road. He had left the car in a fit when he and a girl got in a fight. I pulled over to the side of the road and offered him a ride. Interesting who you meet and where. When he was proposing all these business deals with weed and selling trailers and chickens and whatnot, I wish I would’ve respected his entrepreneurial drive, instead of dissing the ‘weed’ aspect of it.

Anyway, red-haired lady cop unlocks a small cell from me. She pulls it back and says, ‘Here ya go.’ There’s a piss puddle on the left of the room. I don’t care. This is the coolest, safest, happiest place I’ve ever been in in. There’s a blue mat on the floor ahead of me. I put my knees down and lie on there, put the blanket over me, and melt. I’m at peace. A sense of gratitude and love and joy for what is in the world envelopes me. There are good people. People will come to help when I need it. There are times when I can’t help myself. When I need others. They will show up. And I can trust them.

As I feel a wave of relaxation and peace and certainty, a woman next to me talks about her ex-husband, her children and whatnot. How they went through things. How she wants a man. I remember the feeling of healthy exhaustion. Of my body irresistibly smelting into a smooth slumber. I just muttered stock replies as I tried to keep adding value–until I said ‘I’m about to pass out.’ She said, ‘Alright, you go ahead, get your sleep.’ I fell asleep and woke up to an insipid, yellow-plaster white porridge for breakfast. They announced I would be leaving soon. This whole thing would be over. I had felt pain from being locked in jail over the weekend. (I could’ve been out if I would’ve been locked up on a Monday instead of a Thursday.) But the day was Monday. They sat me in a room, went through some tests, and before I know it, I was released to the world, Morrowind-style in a big open place. I had no orientation for where I was going. But a call to my dad revealed a gray Tundra in the middle of a foreign land.

Whoa boy, did they miss me. When I got home, I opened a fridge full of food. It was stuffed, and my memory picks up only a blur. But I do remember the awe I felt at how much food, and of what kind was in that fridge. I know sandwiches were made, and I felt stuffed and secure in the presence of my parents. My mom hugged me almost crying–she worked as a prison guard, so she knew what it could be like. My dad joined the hug.

My brother came by that day, too, and asked if I was alright. He laughed, saying he should’ve been the one who went to jail that night. (He’s right! My throat hurt from being gripped into the throat and pressed into the wall by my brother who benches 250 like it’s nothing.)

Anyway, with all this written about, I want to restart this journal. This is the most fun thing I’ve ever done. My self-confidence and power and respectability just soared through the roof.

  • Fuck all these people who label me as a sexual deviant, when they could have learned and used NLP tactics to point me in the right direction.
  • Fuck the system that let behaviors like what Joe Snell had spread racism like a disease. (It is a disease! I had zero idea that racism existed before that experience. I now know that it’s spread–more often from black people than from white.)
  • Fuck the system that let well-meaning people become ‘doctors’–that use drugs instead of the awesome power of the human body, self-image, and habit to change their lives.

The level of joy, the level of self-respect and unstoppability I received outweighs ALL of this. And, even more, what happened just expanded my comfort zone further!

And now that I know about gratitude and rejuvenation, I can do this on a level unheard of. I’ll take this to new heights. I’ll speak to the biggest people. I’ll perform the greatest feats in business. I’ll establish healthy business habits. I’ll make a name for myself, in a way where I am myself and no one else (i.e. with business, pick-up, you name it.). I’ll start sticking up for myself more and giving myself the best pick-me-ups when I’m down.

In other words, I’m going to do epic shit. That’s what I said in the second post of this blog. Now, I’m going to carry on this tradition. I’m going to follow through with it, because this has been some of the most interesting shit I’ve ever thought of and done. I’ve experienced such joy and bliss and lightness and seen dazzling lights as I soared above the clutches of the superego. Most people are so caught in their daily routines, squeezed and gripped by societal norms that they can’t imagine another way. They might as well be shackled, because if I behave in a certain way, they can’t move past a certain limit–and I’m safe from their reach.

So, let’s get started. 

I want self-structure, and expanded comfort zone, and all the money needed to fill whatever need I can have.

So, I’m going to fulfill an (albeit updated) experiment I attempted to do a while ago. Here goes. 

Hypothesis: 

“If I make 30 decisions in the next hour–and ask the leverage questions once every 3 waking hours, then I will feel pleasure and more more relaxed and make $10,000 in the next 7 days.”

Experiment:

  1. Ask, “What are all the decisions I need to make to have $10,000 by 4/11/16?” and write them down in the form of questions. — Alternatively, just answer questions from ‘Day Scripter 4000’ [note: I no longer no what this is! lol :)] 
  2. Decide and write down the answers to these questions right next to the questions.
  3. Ask “How is not using the best and highest use of my time and energy more painful than using the best and highest use of my time and energy?”
  4. Feel gratitude for when I’ve used my time and energy best and highestly 
  5. Create a vision of the best and highest use of time as done 

For #3-5, do them at these hours when awake and available: 00:00 to 03:00, 03:00 to 06:00, 06:00 to 09:00, 09:00 to 12:00, 12:00 to 15:00, 15:00 to 18:00, 18:00 to 21:00, and 21:00 to 00:00

Report back on this by 11:00pm tonight. 

 

 

FP12-to-Goal (2633 hours to FP-day)

Past Comfort Expanding Task:

“Create a 4-10 detail deep hypothesis of what will produce the most sales, the most value for the end-user, and what can reasonably achieve $25M in revenue in 5 years. (ST: 1930; ET: 2000) Then 2) develop the best way to strike this hypothesis down (Side Note: experiments are SOP’s) (ST: 2015; ET: 2100). Side Quest: What will make the most difference in the world? Where can I* create the biggest difference, the greatest value?). Then 3) Subconscious and Japanese fluency work. (ST-S: 1745, ET-S: 1825; ST-J: 1830; ET-J: 1900)”

Done: 3/5 (xxx?)
Quality: 3/5 (xxx?)
Speed: 0/5 (xxx?)
Concentration: 2/5 (xxx?)
Force: 4/5 (xxx?)

FP -> Comfort Expansion:

Good: Got the blog post up; got the blog post SOP up; got a worthy thing up;

CP: When to start; how to manage my energy; where to write everything down;

Even Better: Do the explicit needs thing; See where I*’m losing the most energy and work on that; go through WUP 2.0

Not-So-Good: Didn’t even get a single hypothesis up; afraid; didn’t get the explicit needs of the task written; should make that part of each dev

Different: Whenever I* write the task down, write 3 explicit needs it meets; also, consider asking ‘What order could I* create with this?’

Past Recovery Task:

Devote 30 minutes to hanging out with my mentors and figuring out who my top 5 are.

Done: 0/5 (xxx?)
Quality: 0/5 (xxx?)
Speed: 0/5 (xxx?)
Concentration: 0/5 (xxx?)
Force: 0/5 (xxx?)

FP -> Recovery:

Good: To do a noble task that will provide me with the highest consciousness boost imaginable.

CP: How to use the mentors; how much faith to put into it; how to balance faith and doubt; where each becomes useful; how to feel about life; how to follow through;

Even Better: Do it.

Not-So-Good: No explicit needs ID’d for this; unaware of the benefits; lower consciousness self doesn’t see a reason to do this; don’t know how to create real love doing this; need love. Need LOVE.

Different: ID 3 explicit needs for every task, expanding or recovery based… Ask what love can be created with this?


 

“The way to become more comfortable, more often, is to experience more discomfort, more often.” ~ Me.

Next Comfort Expanding Task:

FP twelve times toward “I receive a full-engagement-capable house by 4/26/2016 systematically” (ST: 0113; ET: 0630;) 

Done: How many FP’s did I* log?
Quality: How integrated, connected to the real world were these FP’s?
Speed – How soon after this blog post did I* do all 12 FP’s?
Concentration – Did I* do at least 1 “R” between these?
Force – How important was this in the long-term?

Plan: Don’t see it as a means to an end. See the means as the end, and the end as the means. Interlock it… Have my goal to be doing the exact process to achieve X and live life to the fullest…

Systematic stress followed by renewal is the key to high performance.

Next Recovery Task:

Do something I* really enjoy, and pretend to be with my famous mentors for 20 minutes. (ST: 0113; ET: 2359;)

Done – Did I* watch anime/something as if Dan Kennedy, Elon Musk, Paul Scheele, Donald Trump, and Eckhart Tolle were here?
Quality – How much fun did I* have?
Speed – Did * do this right away or right after the C.E. task?
Concentration – Did I* stay with these mentors the whole time?
Force – Worthy?

Plan: Get water with my mentors.

Subconscious Access #10 (2681 hours to FP-day)

Past Comfort Expanding Task:

Complete the subconscious access ritual, Japanese, and see the adaptation business as done (get 20 details written).

Done: 5/5 (Did I* complete the subconscious access ritual, Japanese, and the write down 20 details of the adaptation business as done?)
Quality: 4/5 (Did I* do each of these in a fully engaged way? How much streamlining was evident?)
Speed: 5/5 (Did I* get the adaptation business details done before 1700? And was the SAR-J done precisely between 1745 and 1900?)
Concentration: 4/5 (Did I* do a PQW within the SAR-J and still get everything done before 1700? How vividly and from how many perspectives did I* see the adaptation business as done?)
Force: 4/5 (How worth it was this this task?)

FP -> Comfort Expansion:

Good: I* wrote the images down… vivid images… energy…

CP: What to focus on while doing these exercises; what specific questions to ask; how specific;

Even Better: Create an image of application; signals; use it;

Not-So-Good: Didn’t create a day script or a blog post or a plan after subconscious

Different: Start the subconscious process  earlier. Time it. Devote time for analysis, verification, and hypotheses generation.

Past Recovery Task:

Be present for 30 minutes today

Done: 2/5 (Did I* allow space in my thoughts and awareness for long enough – did a spinning exhiliration wave in my stomach exist?)
Quality: 3.5/5 (How much was my mind able to ‘stop’ and enable that wave to continue?)
Speed: 2/5 (Did I* become present for 15 minutes around the time I* did the business details, and did I* become present for 15 minutes immediately after and/or during subconscious access and Japanese lessons?)
Concentration: 2/5 (Did I* let go for long enough to allow presence to wash over me?)
Force: 3/5 (How positively does this recovery affect my life?)

FP -> Recovery:

Good: I* attempted presence and worked to dissolve more thought into presence; at least started the process; didn’t wait;

CP: Familiar noise or new sights or old sights in new ways; breathing; expectations for  presence;

Even Better: Lower expectations for experience of presence.

Not-So-Good: Didn’t actively measure my presence; don’t have a fitbit-type thing for brainwave activity and consciousness… limited presence;

Different: Travel away from what’s known; away from labels;


 

“The way to become more comfortable, more often, is to experience more discomfort, more often.” ~ Me.

Next Comfort Expanding Task:

1) Create a 4-10 detail deep hypothesis of what will produce the most sales, the most value for the end-user, and what can reasonably achieve $25M in revenue in 5 years. (ST: 1930; ET: 2000) Then 2) develop the best way to strike this hypothesis down (Side Note: experiments are SOP’s) (ST: 2015; ET: 2100). Side Quest: What will make the most difference in the world? Where can I* create the biggest difference, the greatest value?). Then 3) Subconscious and Japanese fluency work. (ST-S: 1745, ET-S: 1825; ST-J: 1830; ET-J: 1900)

Done – Do I* have a 5 drafts of 4-10 detail hypotheses, with one chosen, that says “W, X, Y, Z, n… will produce the most sales and most value for the end user, and can reasonoably achieve $25M in revenue in 5 years.”
Quality – How sure do I* feel when considering testing this hypothesis, with the choice of hypothesis and choice of experiment I*’ve developed?
Speed – At what time did I* get this hypothesis made, experiment made, and did I* start the experiment?
Concentration – How much thought power did I* put into this at once?
Force – How worthwhile was this task?

Systematic stress followed by renewal is the key to high performance.

Next Recovery Task:

Devote 30 minutes to hanging out with my mentors and figuring out who my top 5 are.

Done – Did I* log 30 minutes with my top 5 mentors?
Quality – Did I* log high energy, high pleasantness, narrow focus, meaningful connection? Did I* FP my relation with them?
Speed – Did I* do this immediately after my hypothesis experiment work?
Concentration – How did I* use compound force to evolve this?
Force – How worth it was this this task?

Grab the mentor sheet, develop a relationship FP, and put that on repeat… even if I* feel I* could lose myself in one of them.

Subconscious Access #9 2/3 DONE (2740 hours to FP-day)

Past Comfort Expanding Task:

Subconscious Access #7 (and #8) (ST: 1755; ET: 1827),  Japanese (ST: 1830; ET: 1900), intermittent stress/recovery toward delivering the group call (ST: 2000; ET: 2200).

Done: 3/5 (Did I* provide 10 details for each step of the GaWAS-QANS, follow through with Japanese, and follow through with the entire Tim Ferriss procedure for speech preparation?)
Quality: 2/5 (How pleasant was my energy while going through this? Did I* evolve the ritual of subconscious access and my self-image with it?)
Speed: 3/5 (Did I* complete the subconscious access precisely between 1755 and 1900 and complete the intermittant S/R  before 2200?)
Concentration: 3/5 (Did I* do this in one fell swoop (immediate PQW recovery breaks/5 minute decaf/deep breathing allowed)?)
Force: 4/5 (How well does this serve my primary aim and overall life?)

FP:

Good: I* started the Tim Ferriss procedure for rehearsing. I* got SA

CP: How much sleep to get the night before; whether to work out or not; whether to go home;

Even Better: Have the faith knowing that it’ll turn out great; see ideal end of webinar and decide toward that;

Not-So-Good: Couldn’t recall the imagery from the subconscious access. Fell asleep during subconscious access. Was too tired to follow through with the Tim Ferriss procedure.

Different: After 10 details, have paper nearby to write ’em; always have storyboards with the current question prepended to the first available


 

“The way to become more comfortable, more often, is to experience more discomfort, more often.” ~ Me.

Next Comfort Expanding Task:

Complete the subconscious access ritual, Japanese, and see the adaptation business as done (get 20 details written). 

Done – Did I* complete the subconscious access ritual, Japanese, and the write down 20 details of the adaptation business as done?
Quality – Did I* do each of these in a fully engaged way? How much streamlining was evident?
Speed – Did I* get the adaptation business details done before 1700? And was the SAR-J done precisely between 1745 and 1900?
Concentration – Did I* do a PQW within the SAR-J and still get everything done before 1700? How vividly and from how many perspectives did I* see the adaptation business as done?
Force – How worth it was this this task?

Do a PQW, get the business thing done, then grab some decaf.

Next Recovery Task:

Be present for 30 minutes today

Done –  Did I* allow space in my thoughts and awareness for long enough – did a spinning exhiliration wave in my stomach exist?
Quality – How much was my mind able to ‘stop’ and enable that wave to continue?
Speed – Did I* become present for 15 minutes around the time I* did the business details, and did * become present for 15 minutes immediately after and/or during subconscious access and Japanese lessons?
Concentration – Did I* let go for long enough to allow presence to wash over me?
Force – How positively does this recovery affect my life?

 

Subconscious Access #7 (2740 hours to FP-day)

Past Comfort Task:

Eat a lot of desserts, get some McDonald’s, watch some Code Geass or anime… ST: 2000; ET: 2359.

Done: 5/5 (Have I* eaten desserts, ate at least 2 McChickens, and watched 20 minutes of anime?)
Quality: 4/5 (How pleasantly did I* experience these tasks?)
Speed: 2/5 (How much unused time did I* have?)
Concentration: 3/5 (Did I* go all out enough to where I* don’t want to eat desserts/McDonald’s for the rest of the week?)
Force: 4/5 (How positively did this affect the rest of my tasks and objectives?)


Next Comfort Expanding Task:

Subconscious Access #7 (ST: 1755; ET: 1827),  Japanese (ST: 1830; ET: 1900), intermittent stress/recovery toward delivering the group call (ST: 2000; ET: 2200).

Done – Did I* provide 10 details for each step of the GaWAS-QANS, follow through with Japanese, and follow through with the entire Tim Ferriss procedure for speech preparation? 
Quality – How pleasant was my energy while going through this? Did I* evolve the ritual of subconscious access and my self-image with it?
Speed – Did I* complete the subconscious access precisely between 1755 and 1900 and complete the intermittant S/R  before 2200?
Concentration – Did I* do this in one fell swoop (immediate PQW recovery breaks/5 minute decaf/deep breathing allowed)?
Force – How well does this serve my primary aim and overall life?

Upgrade my self image with this as it relates to the $3K/mo F.P. goal & update the self-image and rituals via FP-SI and other means. Just chill for a bit at 1745, grab some decaf or something comfortable to occupy myself.

Subconscious Access #6 DONE (2759 hours to FP-day)

Past Comfort Expanding Task:

Japanese, subconscious access #6, FP management strategy for a position in BBT.

Done: 5/5 (Did I* access the subconscious, FP the management strategy after, and practice Japanese–finishing these three today?)
Quality: 2/5 (Was I* fully engaged during each and presenting 10 details to the recorder for each in the GWAS-QANS? How pleasantly did I* experience this task?)
Speed: 4/5 (Did I* access the subconscious at precisely 1800, FP the management strategy after, and practice Japanese at precisely 1829–finishing these three today by 1859?)
Concentration: 5/5 (Did I* do all this in one fell swoop or multiple?)
Force: 4/5 (How important was this in achieving my goal?)

Engagement: 3.75/5


 

Next Comfort Task:

Eat a lot of desserts, get some McDonald’s, watch some Code Geass or anime… ST: 2000; ET: 2359.

Done – Have I* eaten desserts, ate at least 2 McChickens, and watched 20 minutes of anime?
Quality – How pleasantly did I* experience these tasks?
Speed – How much unused time did I* have?
Concentration – Did I* go all out enough to where I* don’t want to eat desserts/McDonald’s for the rest of the week?
Force – How positively did this affect the rest of my tasks and objectives?

Go to McDonald’s after this. Grab some dessert for on the way there. Come back, watch Howl’s Moving Castle or Code Geass.