Today was awesome yet emotionally challenging. Awesome in that I performed in an outstanding manner with work, working, Spanish, this blog post, and overall feelings of being in control of my life. And emotionally challenging in that I had no liquid assets (i.e. cash) to use for buying a small stack of gloves–which is not an easy pill to swallow (i.e. going up to the store KNOWING that I should’ve asked for the cash up front).
What was more emotionally challenging, though, was that I had called my mom and freaked out in front of her–when what she needed most was to be absolutely comfortable (she quite smoking two weeks ago, and she needs every ounce of willpower she can get–which, btw, is something I robbed her a bit of with my frantic call for help).
Actually, now that I think of it, this emotionally challenging part of the day came not as a result of not having the liquid cash to purchase a freaking case of gloves for my restaurant (note: I have a $12,000 car and $5,000 in electronics, clothes, gear, etc.), it came when I kept on attempting to request help from my father, when he tried to allay responsibility FROM me (instead on me). It was so frustrating because the more I talked with him (especially in the emotional state that I was in), the less in control I felt; because, every second that I had talked with him he kept on asking me “Why would they make you go out?” or “It’s not your fault; it’s the suppliers’ fault” or “How come they didn’t give you the money up front?”
I felt fucking infuriated. I felt infuriated because these were stupid questions that provided stupid results.
You know the saying, “There aren’t any stupid questions; there are only stupid people”? That saying is the biggest fucking lie I’ve ever heard, because you can immediately change a person’s course in life with a question (it’s happened to me AT LEAST a billion times 🙂 )
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that these questions tried to pull responsibility away from me, which worked to do two things:
- Dissolve my already apparent lack of control more completely, and
- Conflict totally and completely with my belief system
My father believes in the effect mindset–“it’s not my fault because: of the economy, because that guy didn’t do his job, because… because… because…” He does not believe in the “cause mindset,” where we are totally responsible (and capable) of achieving any result we desire, where we say, “I achieved this result… and this result… and this result… and this result… because I’m the cause of all effects.”
Anyway, what I’m saying with all this is that “going to the ’cause’ side of the equation” only works to knock you off your emotional center. Whereas “being the cause of all effects” will only manifest a sense of absolute peace, control/power, and absolute abundance 🙂 This case with my father clearly showed the pains of being at effect.
NOW–today I interacted with three groups of women (like I had promised yesterday I would) to do Cosimo’s (a friend of mine’s) challenge: National Hug Day.
Instead of typing up a whole ‘nother field report, I’ll just link to the one I wrote from earlier and sign off. Here it is 🙂
What do you think? Haha 🙂 Let me know if you enjoyed this, because I’ll definitely do more “story time” in the upcoming posts if you enjoy this!
Converse tomorrow, bro? 🙂
(DB: IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII II)