(Hey reader! Let me know, if you will, your opinion of me after reading this, because I want to know if this actually makes me closer to you or not. Thanks!)
Ian, if you’re reading this, you may not like me anymore (same for you, Paul). The reason you may not like me anymore is because in the process of doing one thing a day that I fear, Shelby, the barista at Fourth Coast, blew her shit (reasonably so–because I’ve done crazy shit there often) at me for interacting with multiple tables.
Though I know the opposite to be true, she publically exclaimed that I made the people I talk with uncomfortable (maybe–but it’s the process that needs to happen to convert strangers to friends), and she exclaimed something along the lines of, “You’re not going to go talk to my friends like that.” The truth is, when she exclaimed all of this, I absolutely knew that the woman I interacted with enjoyed our interaction because:
- she was repeatedly said that she was bored senseless,
- She said that I made her day
- She kept on saying “Thank you”
- Her pupils were dilated as fuck (but though that usually indicates interest, caffeine tends to do that, too, so this isn’t a reliable piece of evidence)
- She literally said over and over again that I made her day,
- she literally invited me out to have a smoke with her,
- she asked me all sorts of questions about the music I liked
- She smiled when I said that I hated country
- She told me that she felt “connected”
- She rated my conversation an “8” out of 10 (I’ve now adopted the policy to always gain feedback)
- Etc. Etc.
Also, anytime, for the past five months that I’ve interacted with new people at Fourth Coast–or anywhere for that matter–every single person that I’ve interacted with has left, at a minimum, smiling, because 98% of the people that I meet are lonely, bored, or walking without any sense of true meaning in their life–which I nearly almost always help with. Now, with this fact in mind, there’s probably (definitely) been the rare one or two that sincerely didn’t enjoy me even saying “Hi,” but these are extremely, extremely rare. I’m serious about the rarity of discontent with these interactions, because once you know that interacting with people is about adding value to the other person’s day (and not about your self-esteem), people will love you totally and completely.
So, in other words, Shelby flipped her shit not because of the apparent discomfort; she really flipped her shit because she knew that my primary purpose there wasn’t as a customer (she’s witnessed me hitting on girls there for five months now, lol). And, being the hardcore, unhappy, “leader, alpha-girl” she was, she saw it as her responsibility to maximize business (as well as “protect” her friend, who I accidentally hit on instead of ANYONE else–because I inadvertently established myself as a “player” in this cafe, even though I really, really am not.). And, though the way she handled it was unique to herself (I would’ve taken a more private, friendly, loving approach), I would’ve taken the measure of extricating myself from the environment as well.
I knew what I was doing, and I knew it was a necessary risk.
But that’s just on the surface level. Frankly, on not-that-deep-of-a-level, too, I’ve been known to create sales. I’ve been known to create sales like when I interacted with the violinist at the mall yesterday in the store. While I’ll still need to give the store lady an interview about whether or not she actually made some money with her, from what I saw, with the amount of time that she stayed in there when I left (I was at an adjacent store for a while and still saw her in there when I cam back out), I conjecture, guess, that she created more sales with my interaction and enthusiastic approval of the store than she would have made otherwise (enthusiasm plus rapport, baby). But maybe all this is ego talking–we’ll see when I talk with her sometime this week.
With all this in mind though and bringing our attention directly back to the conflict at Fourth Coast, this really was of no surprise to me. On this high-“rejection”, high-reward path that I’ve taken–i.e. “Do one thing a day that scares you”– the surprise was taken away when many people that I respect and admire told me over and over and over again that one thing would happen: A polarity of people who love me and people who outwardly express hate and contempt for me would occur.
When you take this path, this highish-risk, high-reward path, some people will love you, and these people will love you intensely because they see what you do as the strength within themselves. Whereas the other thing that happens, when you take this path, is that certain other people will hate you, resent you, or scorn you, because they only hate the part of themselves that they know they can never become, because they know or believe they know that they’ll never achieve anything remotely within their greatest potential. The reason I know these two ideas about this high-risk, high-reward path is because of one very true concept: “Perception is projection.” (as well as the law of reaping and sowing–which means that I’ll get a return for both my actions AND a return from any harms committed against me).
While you might know this from NLP (note: there are many practices in NLP that are based on earlier forms of established psychological and neurological facts, such as “anchoring” (Pavlov) and visualization (Maxwell Maltz, M.D., F.I.C.S.’s Psycho-Cybernetics, which has helped me change my life), the place from where I really draw this belief is in the ancient Hawaiian philosophy of Huna, where they inculcate, ram into your brain, “Bless what you want” into your daily reality. By one month of practicing this way of life (i.e. “Bless what you want”), you immediately begin to see a shift in your experiences, because you see others having great things in a way that’s good (so, if they can have it, it’s only fair that you can have it, too, right?). And by ramming this life task into your brain (and metaphysical self, if you will), not only will you (immediately) experience a new reality where everything you want to achieve is “OK to achieve,” you’ll receive the mindset that perception really is projection, and that people who hate success or revel in public “failure” (ahem, “extremely precious gems–lessons”) really only like to see people who screw up more badly than they.
Even though this, obviously (yet counterintuitively), is an illusion, because they are the ones who screw up by not screwing up, do you agree? If you don’t take the risks and learn the lessons, your brain will. not. learn. So, to take the risks and brave the public’s view on you (or in this case: me) is really is a better path to take, because you actually get the opportunity to learn, right? Does that make sense?
Anyway, to wrap this shit up, I’m gonna do Ho’oponopono and relieve myself of this whole thing (though I may not be right, you’ll see the effects of this in tomorrow’s post when you don’t even feel it in the writing–but just to be sure, let me know if this “flavors” any future posts, so that we can tell, once and for all, whether the forgiveness process works OBJECTIVELY), but before I do the Ho’oponopono, The Forgiveness Process, though, here are some outstanding takeaways that may benefit you from this beautiful experience:
- You’ll be able to write a hell of a lot more (and a hell of a lot better) content when you do something and screw up versus when you don’t do anything at all
- Better yet, when you do succeed (as I often do–only because I take these risks (which anyone can take)) you’ll have even more to write about and get people following you with, which is always a fun situation
- People will find any excuse to feel more significant, so if you don’t have the opportunity to take the pre-emptive strike and say, “I like you” or make another person feel unique or whatever, then they’ll (if they’re “average” or below) gladly go with the roar to tear another person down
- If you do get the ignominy of “the stocks” or getting publically scorned, you will literally get more experience and education in these areas:
- You’ll learn the extreme power of social proof–both in how it can be for and against you, both in how you can use it effectively and ineffectively
- You’ll learn that you exist (most people walk around in a deep trance), because if this many people observe your presence, even in a negative way, you can really experience your body more than ever
- You’ll learn that you become stronger–if you choose to–from experiences like this (though, to keep a balanced view on this, even though public rejection is necessary to make you ultimately a stronger person, success is REALLY what builds confidence… I’m just saying that rejection, the process that people use to create a type of poisonous cocktail within themselves, CAN be used to make you stronger, but not as strong as success can make you. Does that make sense? Comment and let me know if it does)
- You’ll appreciate your successes even more because you deserve it more (for taking the risk, and redeeming the risk)
- You can do a LOT and still get away with it, because a warning always precedes even the nastiest behavior, like calling the police (which she threatened to do) or a fight, so you can always apologize and leave (or just leave) when you step the line… which is awesome! Awesome because you have a sort of safety net when it comes to taking public risks, am I right? No? Well, I think so–but you look beautiful today, so I’ll appreciate what you say while still believing that this an outstanding way of looking at things 😉
So, with all this in mind, you may receive an outstanding amount of benefit from this post when you find ways to apply this in my own life. In truth, this really, really was an outstanding gift that I really appreciate. I really appreciate the benefit of this gift, because I now know the power of: human perception–one thing will always mean two different things to two different people (I repeat: any one thing or one group of things will always mean two totally different things to two different people—I need to write a post on this), the power of social proof (people have roared my name for both good reasons and bad because of the risks that I’ve taken), and finally, the power of abundance (because if you have multiple, MULTIPLE options of things besides what you’re about to “lose,” the loss is ridiculously trivial).
So, with all this in mind, I really appreciate doing this for you, because my sense of self-ability, self-confidence, self-esteem has shot through the roof. And this extreme development of self is hugely in thanks to the inspiration that you, my readers give me.
Thank you, and keep doing what you do best.
Max love and appreciation to you (and the other readers reading this with you),
P.S. Unrelated note: